80s vs. 90s - 80s win

I went to high school in the early 90's and colledge in the mid/late 90's. Accordingly, I got fucked. Completely. Look, anyone who went to high school or college in the 80's, fuck you, I hate you, you had it all. Here's why. Drug of choice: cocaine. Side effects, being happy, a little too talkative, and really energetic. Music: Prince/Michael Jackson or Guns n' Roses. So, you could listen to some brilliant musicians or rock your ass off. Movies: John Huges, enough said. But the worst is clothes: think about it. Madonna was a huge influence, so all the girls dressed in their underwear. So, if you lived in the 80's you got high, danced to timeless music that made you happy, and looked at chicks in their underwear.

Now, compare that to when I was growing up. In the 90's the drug of choice: heroin. Side effects: death. Awesome. Music: Nirvana or the Backstreet boys. So, the music made you so depressed you wanted to kill yourself, or the music was so bad you wanted to kill yourself. And half the time, I didn't know which band was terrible and which one was depressing. Movies: Forest Gump, Pulp Fiction, and Shawshank Redemption. So, you saw a retard running for 2 hours, a fat Jon Travolta killing anal rapists, or, well, I have nothing bad to say about Shawshank. Awesome move. Clothing: huge, ugly sweaters from J.Crew made from burlap with baggy, ugly matching corduroys. Fucking bullshit. You couldn't tell if the girl you were dating was 100 or 200 pounds. So, you just winged it and prayed for the best. And I have shit for luck, so I always got the ones who's sweaters weren't rolled in the belly-area because the sweater was too big, it was because their gut was too big. So, in the 90's you got high, wanted to kill yourself, listened to music that made you want to kill yourself, then hooked up with a fat chick, so you wanted to kill yourself. It's a miracle anyone made it out of the 90's alive.

Madonna of the 80's vs. BSB. Need I say more?

What Would Be Worse Than The Great Depression?

The current economic crisis has left many people wondering if this is not as bad, as bad, or worse than the Great Depression. There's lots of economic analysis out there and the future is uncertain. But it is possible that this crisis could be worse. That got me wondering, what would you call something that's worse than the Great Depression?

The Great Depression is a terrible name to begin with. I'm sure the guys in fedoras standing in bread and unemployment lines didn't think it was so great, but that's the obvious joke. The same could be said for the Great War, which we now call WWI. But we didn't call it that until we had WWII. Maybe if we have another depression, the first one would lost the great moniker. The two depressions could be called the Depression I and the Depression II. Things with Roman Numerals always seem heavy and important. Just ask the Super Bowl. But I think we should call the next depression, if it happens, the Righteous Depression. First, I like the word righteous and think is should me used frequently. Second, it makes it confusing, like the Great Depression. How can a depression be great? How can a depression be righteous?

Righteous Depression also rolls off the tongue well. Maybe its the "s" at the end that just runs well with the double "ss" in depression. And there's a little truth to it as well.

Greatest Depression is too obvious and is insulting to the Great Depression. Plus, superlatives are always too over the top. Awesome Depression is too, well, lame. And every other word I can think of just doesn't work. Fabulous? Too gay. Fantastic? Too ironic. Wonderful? Too stupid. Grand? Too grand. So, really, righteous is the only choice.

If we do enter a depression. You heard it here first, it is the Righteous Depression.

Obama = Dean 2.0

I was a certified Deaniac when he ran in 2004. I ran our local Meetups, helping them grow from 15 crazy people to a couple of hundred crazy people. I lobbied at the behest of other more prominent bloggers to help him get elected as DNC chair. The reason being was that Dean is and always has been a pragmatist. He's not an ideologue and before he was DNC chair he was barely a partisan. After all, how partisan are you if your main war cry is an attack on your own party ("I'm from the Democratic wing of the Democratic party!"). Look at his term as governor. It's a pragmatic approach to governing, filled with compromises. He knows that if you want to accomplish A+B+C, it's just fine to start out just getting A, and then working on B and C. His energy policy was a prelude to Obama's. Dean wanted to invest big in green technologies and related infrastructure because he knew that living on the Saudi's oil wasn't only a bad economic policy, it was a bad national security policy as well.

But Dean had a glaring problem. He lacks polish. Look at his shirts (yeah, it's a bit superficial, but people notice, just ask your wife/girlfriend). The collars are too tight, they're not always ironed, and they're a few years out of style. Look at his suits. He was famous for wearing suits that even the least fashion-conscious could pick out as either 10 years old or off the rack from KG Men's Store. Also, he never sounded like a politician. He lacked the ability to smile and speak in circles not answering a question. Instead, he'd answer the question pretty straight-forward, which too often got him in trouble. Remember when he said we're no more safer now that Saddam has been caught than before? There couldn't be a truer statement, but it's just a little too unpolished.

So, enter Obama. He's taken the same pragmatic approach as Dean has. He may want universal health care, but he knows it's DOA, so he proposes something close that he'll compromise on so that some form of health care reform gets passed. The difference is Obama is polished. He can say bold things without having his words jar the listener. He can soothe the Washington punditry. He can deflect attacks with a wry or mocking statement that would've gotten Dean hammered because Dean would come off more insulting than witty.

Together, Dean and Obama have accomplished what most of us thought wouldn't happen for at least 4 more years - sweeping change and Democratic majorities. It was Dean who first pitched and tried to sell the 50-state strategy. The Washington aristocracy laughed. Paul Begala mocked, asking why would the DNC spend money on staffers in Mississippi, they'd only be picking their noses. Well, Paul, I hope that crow tastes good. Democrats wouldn't have won Indiana and North Carolina, Senate races in Alaska, and House races in the reddest districts. But Dean needed a good pitchman to sell the 50-state strategy. Obama was the perfect guy for the job.

Now, as far as I'm concerned, we have Dean in the White House, only better. Dean 2.0

GM Bailout

GM needs to government help and it should be given. Yes, they've made crappy cars and SUV's for a long time, ignoring market trends and demands for smaller, more fuel-efficient cars.

First, if we're going to bailout the airline industry, which is probably the most poorly run industry in America, there's no excuse not to bailout automakers. Think about it, airlines would rather fly half-empty planes than sell you a last-minute ticket for less than $1,000. That's like walking into a restaurant without a reservation and the maitre'd saying, "Sorry, sir, unless you have a reservation, you're meal will cost 10 times more than the menu price. Oh, you think that's unfair? Well, even though we have 20 empty tables, we'd rather not have your business. Please leave." Seriously, that's a terrible way to run a business. Moreover, if airlines were smart, which they aren't, they would've hedged their fuel like Southwest did, which is why they operate at a profit. Also, how much sense does it make for an airline to fly thousands of miles out of the way to get someone to their destination? Answer: None.

But enough of my ranting about the airlines. Government funding of the auto industry represents a huge opportunity for the country. Like with AIG and Fannie and Freddie, the gov't can put huge conditions on any funds provided to GM. We all know the future is electric cars (or some alternative fuel). GM, Ford, and Chrysler have the infrastructure and man power to make those cars. But they don't have the balls to do so for fear of upsetting stock holders (or hedge fund investors in the case of Chrysler). The know they'd lose money on the first cars and that investing in the technology to make them and market them would cost a bundle. But it's inevitable. So, why not force them to change?

Tesla motors makes electric cars. They cost a lot (like $100,000), but they work. Telsa lacks the infrastructure to mass produce these cars. Tesla's hurting and would probably love to be bought out, just ask their recently-ousted CEO. GM lacks the technology to make electric cars. Sounds like a match made on eHarmony. I say the gov't should infuse billions into GM with the condition that by mid-2009 it must sell at least 500 electric cars based on the Tesla platform (or some other electric car). Sure, they'd lose tons of money on the cars because they'd have to sell them for $40k or less, but the economies of scale would rapidly reduce the losses and bring not just the desired product to the masses, but would put GM in the pole position in electric cars, thus creating American jobs. The jobs wouldn't just come in the factory, they'd also come to the battery companies and other vendors who would be supplying parts to GM.

Look, I'm no genius, but this one's a no brainer. Get on it.

A New Day

As I sat and watched Barack Obama deliver his speech victory speech, tears fell. I cannot remember the last time I cried out of joy. But it was more than joy, it was the pride of accomplishment, the realization that we weren't insane - that this nation was better than the last 8 years - the feeling of a weight - a depression - being lifted, the crisp taste of optimism that had been missing for so long, and the knowledge that I could barely begin to understand how significant this was to so many Americans who have fought much longer and harder than I have.

The approach of November 4 and the events of that day helped this country realize what it can and has accomplished. But so many of us can't fully understand what it all means. I read stories of families voting together, dressed in their Sunday best. We heard Mr. Obama tell us about 106-year old Ann Nixon Cooper and the highs and lows she has seen this country go thorough. I watched a video about a voter in Boulder named Charles. And with each story I understood how this election was not about something as ideal as Change or Hope or something as simple as politics. This election was about America. It was about us. It was about rectifying the mistakes of the past 8 years and the past 200 years. It was about the unique ability of this country's people to assert themselves as "We The People" and remind the world that, while imperfect, this democracy is awe inspiring.

So, while it is a new day in America, and it feels like so much has been accomplished, the work has hardly begun.

Since its formation, this country has been at war with itself. Those in America's darkest corners have fought to keep their fellow Americans from reaching higher, achieving more, and garnering the same respect they enjoy. At the beginning, it was slavery, but progress won - slowly. At first those on the right side of history had to compromise and permit slavery to form the nation. But then those on the right side of history shed their own blood to end it. Women, too, were denied equality. Those on the right side of history continued to fight, this time in the courts, to gain equality for women. But those in the darkest corners continued to repress their fellow citizens, passing absurd laws that denied them basic rights. So, the war continued in the courts. Those on the right side of history argued and won in cases like Loving v. Virginia, and Brown v. Board of Education.

The war is not over, but on November 4, 2008, we shed a little more light on those dark corners and the people that occupy them who are always on the wrong side of history. We told them once again that their war is not welcome here, that they will be defeated, and that we will not let them exploit our insignificant differences. The election of Mr. Obama represents not the end of the war, but another victory for those on the right side of history.

So now we must revel in our joy for a brief moment so that we can pick up the mantle of change and equality again tomorrow to fight keep the light on and be vigilant against those who are on the wrong side of history.

One Day Too Many To Go And My Dream Job

The election is almost here. As much as I love politics, it really is like crack for me, I am ready for this one to be over. The ads aren't the problem, they're effectively background noise at this point. Really, it's just the energy expended everyday reading all the news about the election. It's fucking exhausting. Every hour, McCain comes up with some new ridiculous statement or allegation. Every minute, some bobble headed moron on TV is bloviating about some crap. Every 20 seconds there's another poll that's probably meaningless because this ain't 2004, folks.

But there is good news from all of this (other than the fact that we'll actually have a smart person running the country again - what a concept). Comedy. SNL has been fantastic the past month or so. I haven't watched it regularly (I admit, though, I TiVo it) since the Farley days. This cast just has some good chemistry. The crazy lady who has to be hopped up on serious amounts of coke (or maybe she mainlines RedBull) is hilarious. Though a lot of her characters are similar, they're all funny. Also, Palin's and McCain's ludicrous campaign has made the Daily Show and Colbert even more funny than usual. It's almost as if there is too much out there to make fun of it all. You could probably have an entire political comedy channel where people just sit there, watch CNN or Fox or MSNBC and make fun of the people and the news - in real time.

In fact, that would be my dream job. One of the best parts of college was just sitting around watching TV with my friends because we'd just lay there and make fun of everything that came on. I'd bet all the money in my G-string that a show of three or four funny guys watching TV in real time and making fun of it would be a huge hit. Obviously, it'd be on Spike in between UFC matches and Mansweres. Seriously, you'd watch that, wouldn't you?