Long time no post

Not that I have any dedicated followers, but I realize it has been a long long time since I posted. So, here are some quick hit thoughts about the upcoming political season:

1) Completely psyched Elizabeth Warren is running. With her and Franken in the Senate, at least there's 2% of the Senate that is not completely soulless and corrupt;

2) Finally, Obama has some fight back in him. His latest move to pull S.S. reform off the table is the first sign of sack from him in a long time. Perhaps he's finally learned that the GOP has no intention of cooperating? I'm not that optimistic yet.

3) Enjoying the 3-ring circus that is the GOP primary. As wiser people have said, if the GOP could come up with a real candidate, Obama would likely be dead in the water. Fortunately, the best they can do is Romney, and if he's their man, well, at least he'll be able to start his own brand of waffles. I've never seen anyone with less principle than him, but McCain is a close second.

4) Daily Show is on fire lately and Colbert is killing it. Campaign season is always great for giving the real comic geniuses plenty of fodder.

5) Steelers loss to the Ravens was horrific. They better get their shit together, and fast.

That's it for now. I'll be doing more regular posting here on out.

Cheers.

STEELERS WIN!!!

What a game! I apologize to Steelers Nation for almost jinxing the whole thing. I was watching the game with a bunch of friends and after Harrison returned his pick for a TD, I told one of my buddies - who was leaving during halftime - that I'd be wearing my Terrible Towel at work today. I thought it was over. There was no way Arizona was going to recover from that. Sure enough, they recovered and almost won. From now on, I'll keep my mouth shut. Until next year, then, enjoy the smell of victory. Kind of smells like pee and Gatorade, maybe that's what the "G" is all about.

Jon Stewart and I Think Alike

Back in September 2008, I proposed a solution to the financial crisis. In essence, I said the gov't should buy distressed properties, take over those mortgages, and have the owners pay them at a reduced interest rate. Yes, some would fail, but it would ease the tension that the financial world is feeling, would result in a net financial gain for the government, and would relieve the homeowners as well. Brilliant, I know and I don't even have any econ background.

Well, the other night on the Daily Show, Jon Stewart proposed his own bailout solution and it's obvious we're both geniuses.

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In essence, he proposed that instead of giving trillions to idiots like Sandy Weill of Citi and John Thain of Merrill, we give trillions to homeowners and let them use that money to pay down or off their debts, be it mortgages or otherwise. This, he said, would basically be like pressing the reset button. People would be out of debt (or less so) and would thus have money to spend, which would stimulate the economy. Also, financial groups would have their "bad" assets paid and their balance sheets would return to normal.

So, maybe Stewart and I should join the Treasury Department and start solving the problems of this country, instead of letting morons with lots of degrees flail around incoherently.

Madoff Explained?

I'm not Jewish. I have many Jewish friends. I was speaking with one of them recently regarding two clients I work with. They have the same type of business, similar personalities, and there seems to be an obvious synergy - to use the lame corporate buzzword of 2003. So, I asked, "why don't they just partner?" My friend almost laughed at me. His answer was simple. One of them isn't Jewish. So, I asked for more explanation. In an nutshell, my friend explained that Jewish people tend to only trust other Jews in business dealings because Jews will tell it straight to your face while non-Jews will pretend everything is fine and then stab you in the back. Obviously, not all Jews adhere to this "rule" and it is rife with holes, but my friend explained it is a widely held view.

This may explain why so many people - especially Jews - were ruined by Madoff. They trusted the guy because he was part of the tribe. I guess stereotyping doesn't work too well in the investment world, either.

Big 3

No, that's not a dick joke.

Look, I'm getting a little tired of these morons on TV and in congress (I'm looking at you Harry Reid, you pussy) complaining about bailing out GM, Ford, and Chrysler. They were tickled to death to give Citi tens of billions (even though they just blew $400M on naming a stadium), AIG hundreds of billions, and the rest of the financial industry untold billions. No conditions, no oversight, no problem. But when the 3 remaining companies in this country that actually make shit that people buy need help, all of a sudden, everyone's panties get in a bundle.

Yes, their business plans have been garbage for years. But, keep in mind Congress continually wimped out on passing real CAFE standards that would force them to make fuel efficient cars (not to mention the same group of regulations makes it impossible for them to bring their popular, thrifty, and economical European cars to the U.S.) So there's some blame to go around. And you get some blame for buying that ugly, wasteful SUV. But, like I said before, this is a huge opportunity to help the Big 3 get back to the forefront of not just car sales, but also technology.

I recently learned from NPR that Chrysler back in the 70's got a bailout. The gov't guaranteed a bunch of loans, forced Chrysler to turn around, and voila, Chrysler did and the gov't made about $500 million on its investment (the gov't got shares of stock that appreciated). The same thing can and should happen here. Invest $25B (hell, make it $40B while we're at it - if AIG can get $100B or more, these guys can split $40B three ways and they're way more important) in the Big 3. Require all 3 have at least one fully electric car for sale, in showrooms by June 2010 (it can have a small petrol engine to recharge the battery on the go); require their entire fleet (pickups and SUVs included) to get 30mpg or better by improving not just engine efficiency, but also gross vehicle weight (easiest way to get better mpg, use aluminium instead of steel - drive a Lotus, you'll get it); require them to have a hydrogen or other alternative fuel car in the fully-functioning prototype phase by 2012; and require them to trim their vehicle lineups to 10 models or less. I mean, do we really need 7 different cross overs, all of which share the same chassis?

So, Reid, stop being a pussy, do your job and get the Senate in line so we can start the engine on this new green economy. We've already got the companies, the employees, the factories, and the technology to get it done. So, get it done.

80s vs. 90s - 80s win

I went to high school in the early 90's and colledge in the mid/late 90's. Accordingly, I got fucked. Completely. Look, anyone who went to high school or college in the 80's, fuck you, I hate you, you had it all. Here's why. Drug of choice: cocaine. Side effects, being happy, a little too talkative, and really energetic. Music: Prince/Michael Jackson or Guns n' Roses. So, you could listen to some brilliant musicians or rock your ass off. Movies: John Huges, enough said. But the worst is clothes: think about it. Madonna was a huge influence, so all the girls dressed in their underwear. So, if you lived in the 80's you got high, danced to timeless music that made you happy, and looked at chicks in their underwear.

Now, compare that to when I was growing up. In the 90's the drug of choice: heroin. Side effects: death. Awesome. Music: Nirvana or the Backstreet boys. So, the music made you so depressed you wanted to kill yourself, or the music was so bad you wanted to kill yourself. And half the time, I didn't know which band was terrible and which one was depressing. Movies: Forest Gump, Pulp Fiction, and Shawshank Redemption. So, you saw a retard running for 2 hours, a fat Jon Travolta killing anal rapists, or, well, I have nothing bad to say about Shawshank. Awesome move. Clothing: huge, ugly sweaters from J.Crew made from burlap with baggy, ugly matching corduroys. Fucking bullshit. You couldn't tell if the girl you were dating was 100 or 200 pounds. So, you just winged it and prayed for the best. And I have shit for luck, so I always got the ones who's sweaters weren't rolled in the belly-area because the sweater was too big, it was because their gut was too big. So, in the 90's you got high, wanted to kill yourself, listened to music that made you want to kill yourself, then hooked up with a fat chick, so you wanted to kill yourself. It's a miracle anyone made it out of the 90's alive.

Madonna of the 80's vs. BSB. Need I say more?

What Would Be Worse Than The Great Depression?

The current economic crisis has left many people wondering if this is not as bad, as bad, or worse than the Great Depression. There's lots of economic analysis out there and the future is uncertain. But it is possible that this crisis could be worse. That got me wondering, what would you call something that's worse than the Great Depression?

The Great Depression is a terrible name to begin with. I'm sure the guys in fedoras standing in bread and unemployment lines didn't think it was so great, but that's the obvious joke. The same could be said for the Great War, which we now call WWI. But we didn't call it that until we had WWII. Maybe if we have another depression, the first one would lost the great moniker. The two depressions could be called the Depression I and the Depression II. Things with Roman Numerals always seem heavy and important. Just ask the Super Bowl. But I think we should call the next depression, if it happens, the Righteous Depression. First, I like the word righteous and think is should me used frequently. Second, it makes it confusing, like the Great Depression. How can a depression be great? How can a depression be righteous?

Righteous Depression also rolls off the tongue well. Maybe its the "s" at the end that just runs well with the double "ss" in depression. And there's a little truth to it as well.

Greatest Depression is too obvious and is insulting to the Great Depression. Plus, superlatives are always too over the top. Awesome Depression is too, well, lame. And every other word I can think of just doesn't work. Fabulous? Too gay. Fantastic? Too ironic. Wonderful? Too stupid. Grand? Too grand. So, really, righteous is the only choice.

If we do enter a depression. You heard it here first, it is the Righteous Depression.